29 June 2010

Day 2 - Adventures in Parenting

Apparently a 4 1/2 hour tantrum before finally falling asleep makes for a little boy who went to bed at 4:15pm - no fighting, no tantrum, no requests. But he was in the car...maybe that doesn't count as a success, but I'm taking it!

So, day two of the great parenting adventure was pretty uneventful (thank You, Lord!). I think this is due mainly to the fact that both kiddos are super tired. How tired is super tired? Well, I found Hannah asleep on Claude's and my bed at 9:30am (before she even had her breakfast). Just a couple of hours later I checked on them only to find Joshua curled up on the couch, not asleep but nearly, and Hannah lying down on the floor reading a book. And, although they still seemed to have fun, playgroup was very low energy for both Joshua and Hannah. Hannah slept for half of the time and then stood next to me, holding my skirt until we left. And Joshua, after a lot of standing around and lounging on my lap, finally played but hardly climbed, ran, or dug in the dirt.

I did notice a great success in the say it once, turn your back, walk away method. This happened on the walk home from our car to the apartment this afternoon. Hannah usually rides in the stroller because she likes to wander off and often refuses to hold onto a hand or the stroller. Along our street it's necessary that she not walk off on her own - there are just too many people and too much traffic for her to be safe walking on her own. Independent girl that she is, she wants to walk on her own anyway.

Since Claude has had a lot of success taking her for walks, I thought I would give it a try today. She tried her usual routine - pull on the stroller handle, stop walking, and begin a tantrum. I said, "Hannah, hold on to the stroller." She refused and let go instead. I kept walking down the sidewalk (slowly, of course). It was very hard not to look back because I didn't know if she would try running off and end up in the street, but I stuck to it. 10 seconds of crying and a pitter-patter of footsteps later, Hannah was holding on to the stroller and never gave any complaint or sign of letting go. Praise the Lord! She was actually upset that I kept walking. I think it scared her a little, but not enough to be traumatic. Just enough to get her thinking about her behavior and how it needed to change.

Another success happened at the playground, also this afternoon. Joshua threw a tantrum over having to share a toy with one of our friends. I simply told him that he needed to share, turned my back, and took a couple of steps away. I went on with the conversation I was in and within a minute, Joshua came up to me apologetically and didn't try to take the toy or refuse to let someone else use it for the rest of the afternoon. Amazing!

And on another front, Hannah finally said please and thank you. She has been very stubbornly refusing to say either for a couple of months now. Joshua went through a stage like this around the same age, and now I can very clearly recognize it as a power play. So, she missed out on her milk at dinner time and a few other things throughout the day, but in one instance she voluntarily said both please and thank you. She was proud of herself for doing it and so was I, so hopefully it will become more of a habit in place of her whiny demand for things she wants.

So, there you have it - a very long and tiring night last night but a quiet and successful day today. I am encouraged to keep going through the week, even though I have no idea what kind of day tomorrow will be.

28 June 2010

It's all fun and games until...

...your nearly 3-year-old is four hours into a bed time tantrum. And what is the word he's using most in the midst of screams but, "Mommy!" Funny, I used to think that I would be a no-nonsense kind of mom but what I'm finding is that it's way harder to be no-nonsense than I ever anticipated.

So, in the middle of a bed time power struggle, what are we supposed to do? How long is too long for a little guy to be crying? Is there even a "too long"? Or was it the "too longs" that got us to this stage in the first place. It all seems crystal clear when it's another parent's challenge circumstance. This, however doesn't seem clear at all - at least for now. Perhaps tomorrow morning it will. Or not...

For now I think the Claude and Becca consensus is to leave the poor guy. Joshua's exhausted from a 1 1/2 hour tantrum in the middle of the night. And that happened after a bed time that was about 2 hours later than normal. Today was also, although very successful, a hard day for him. Some things were stellar - I could see improvement immediately. But when he threw a tantrum he went over and above the usual. He's sounding very hoarse about now from so much yelling and screaming today.

Never-the-less, we're holding the line. Yes, holding the line. Surely if we've seen such improvement in less than 24 hours - and not just in behavior but in attitude - than it's worth sticking it through to the end of a five day challenge...right? In the long run it's not just about bed time. It's really about Joshua's attitude and his character. If we let him be in control now, he'll grow up to feel entitled to being in control all the time - not accountable or submissive to authority. And with the length of this tantrum (we're getting closer to the five hour mark by the minute) we can no longer doubt that we've been right - Joshua has a strong will...a very strong will. Better that it is under the lordship of Jesus earlier rather than later in life.

For now I'll keep listening to beautifully romantic French violin sonatas and keep praying that he'll give in and go to sleep so that he's not a complete wreck tomorrow. (And so that I'm not a complete wreck along with him).

Adventures in Parenting

Claude and I started reading a book about parenting. It's called "A New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. Normally I'm not thrilled about books that have a time frame (like a week) or a specific number of steps to accomplish so that you can achieve a certain goal. I guess I see in our day to day life that there are a lot of variables that methods rarely take into account and in the end there is so much wisdom that is needed to apply the method that I feel like I could make up a method just as easily - because in the end that's usually what happens anyway. This book, however, has both impressed and challenged me in the way I think of parenting and of our childrens' behavior.

We'll be working through the book one chapter a day through this week. Hopefully we will make time to talk through the three or four questions that each chapter seeks to help parents answer, and we're already putting into place some of the practical advice in modifying behavior, changing attitudes for the better, and ultimately shaping our kids' characters for Christ.

After reading all five chapters yesterday and some sections on specific parenting challenges (ie-tantrums, screaming, sharing, etc) one thing that really stood out was the no-nonsense approach to unwanted behavior.
It's simple and effective, even less than 24 hours into using the method.

1. Say it once.
2. Turn your back.
3. Walk away.

Last night we ended up trying this inadvertently. Joshua had come into our bed sometime in the night, as usual. I woke up to realize he was there and said to him that he needed to go back to his bed. He doesn't need to sleep with us, it's just a habit now, and I need for him to be consistently in his own bed once the Little Three is born because nighttime nursing with a newborn doesn't at all seem conducive when there's a toddler stumbling around the bed trying to find a place to curl up. And he does fine going to sleep in his own bed, so I think it's time to break the habit.

Anyway...back to last night. He was in our bed. Joshua didn't like that I said he needed to go to bed, and even though I intended to walk him there myself, before I was fully awake I found that he was throwing an all out tantrum over having some milk (another night time habit that he's ready to break). I decided to try out the three steps, so with some modification (meaning that I didn't walk away but just rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep) I ignored him. Claude woke up at some point and I think all up Joshua carried on for 1 1/2 hours. Not a pretty sight, but the most amazing thing happened just toward the end.

He had been carrying on and twice had stopped, ready to fall asleep from exhaustion. Both times he responded to our speaking to him with another round of the tantrum. And both times we ignored him like the initial tantrum. The third time he quieted down I could see him sitting in between us, staring at the wall, as if he was thinking very hard about something. Then he got up, walked into his bedroom and went to bed. Of course, he came running out again throwing a tantrum about his blanket, but with the same method he very quickly settled down, went to bed, and went right to sleep without any further mention of milk or blankets. He was surprisingly calm, not upset and not falling asleep in the midst of being angry with us.

We encouraged him by telling him we were proud of his final choice to go to bed quietly and go back to sleep without his milk. He actually seemed contented by that, and slept without waking for the rest of the night. Praise the Lord!

Today, I've been implementing the same system and adding appropriate and immediate consequences as necessary. Joshua and Hannah have both carried on longer and given their tantrums a bit more oomph than usual, but after the first hour or so of this in the morning they've been consistently more obedient and have had only one conflict between the two of them (usually I lose count of the sibling conflicts within the first two hours of the day).

They have both washed and dried their own hands and faces after each of their meals, without arguing and complaining. Joshua has even put on his own underwear and shorts twice today (once with a long-drawn out tantrum, the second time with hardly any fuss at all). He has been fighting dressing himself for a few months now, even though he is capable of doing it. In addition, Joshua has stayed in his rest time for all but one instance of wanting to go potty (a way he uses to get out of rest time about 10 times in an hour). The one time he did get up, I simply told him one time to go back to his bed, went on typing, and when he didn't move right away I gave him a gentle pat on his bottom and off he went - no tears, no whining, no more words about it. Now he's playing away quite happily.

One final note about today's adventure in parenting: I have not gotten angry or frustrated once with Joshua or Hannah. There has definitely been opportunity, but I'm finding that now I have an action plan I can stay calm and rational. I don't have to react emotionally (out of anger or frustration) but I can simply do what needs to be done so that my attitude and behavior communicate to the little guys that their attitude and behavior need to change.

I'll try to write more as we go through this week. Needless to say, I would recommend this book to any parent of any child who is any age. Especially if you're finding that there are certain areas that really are not going well at your house (and for us there are more than one or two). We'll really see how this works when it gets to be bath and bed time - my least favorite time of the day. But I'm excited to implement some new tactics since what I usually do is not effective in changing the behavior and attitudes that I see are becoming a problem.

More on the adventures in parenting front later this week!

23 June 2010

He can count!

After a month or more of playing counting games, Joshua finally demonstrated that he can accurately count objects. His first demonstration was while feeding Hannah blueberries. He counted each one that went into her mouth. His second demonstration was while fastening the velcro straps on his sandals. "1-2-3-4-5-6!" And he was right!

After the many times of sitting down with an egg carton and a container of dried kidney beans, I've learned something myself: Joshua is paying attention even when he refuses to participate fully or continually says, "No. No, I can't do that. I don't want to." But now I know for sure, not only is he paying attention, he's really taking in the concepts. Praise the Lord!

So, the theory that I seem to hold is slowly being proven true: toddlers are learning every step of the way, even when they seem resistant to receiving instruction. I say this to some of my violin students' parents, but the fruit of teaching efforts is often very slow with little ones. I'm not always sure if I say this to myself and to other parents just to make us adults feel better or if it will end up being true. In the end, it does seem to be true.

Based on this idea, I tried taking a more laid back approach to our counting times and it really seemed to work. It gave Joshua the time and space that he needed to process the information I was giving him and to feel confident enough in his understanding to give counting a try. It also required that I step back a bit and not get impatient or frustrated if a particular activity didn't go as I planned. I feel like this is a big breakthrough for Joshua in terms of early math concepts, but for me as a teacher it is also a breakthrough. Learning when to push and when to let things go is good for anyone--and learning Joshua's individual threshold for being pushed is vital as we continue our homeschooling together.

Now to remember all of this as we're working on reading...

19 June 2010

Happy Father's Day!

This post deserves much more space, but I think that Joshua and Hannah can say it better than I can.

Happy Father's Day, Claude! Thank you for setting an amazing Christ-like example for our children.


17 June 2010

Food Processor Pizza

Pizza was on the menu for dinner tonight. Recently I've been dreading making homemade pizza dough so I get some from the grocery store that comes from a local bakery. It's easy and fairly cheap, but I wanted to get back to the "from scratch" stuff. I found this recipe for "No-Rise Pizza Crust" from Finding Joy in My Kitchen, who got it from The Finer Things in Life. It was really easy! In fact, just as easy as the grocery store pizza dough and it stretched better than any pizza dough recipe I've used.

To make things even simpler (and because I didn't plan ahead and was a bit crunched for time) I opted to use the food processor (aka-my best friend in the kitchen) for every part of this pizza. I sliced all of the veggies (equaling 4-5 cups), grated the cheese, and mixed and kneaded the dough. The overall process was about an hour including baking, but since I was also mediating arguments between the kids, keeping them from climbing up on the bookshelves, changing diapers, etc. etc. etc. it took me about 2 hours PLUS baking. The results were really worth it, though.

Here's how I did it in the food processor:
1. Washed and sliced all veggies.
2. Shredded mozzarella cheese.
3. Put wet ingredients (water, yeast, sugar and salt) in glass measuring cup while I measured dry ingredients into the food processor fitted with the steel blade. Started blending and slowly added wet ingredients. Let it mix for about 1 minute (to make up for kneading), then set aside like the recipe indicates.
4. I used a can of seasoned crushed tomatoes for the sauce, but I have also successfully used plain tomato sauce or crushed tomatoes sprinkled with Italian seasoning.

If you're wanting to make more than one or two small-medium pizzas, don't double this recipe. I made it as is and ended up with two gigantic pizzas and one medium-sized pizza.

So, without further ado, here's the recipe (as seen in the above links). Enjoy!

NO-RISE PIZZA CRUST

INGREDIENTS
1 tablespoon yeast
1 cup really warm water (hot but not boiling)
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour

DIRECTIONS
1. Prepare the crust by mixing warm water, sugar and yeast in a small bowl. Allow yeast mix to sit while you mix the dry ingredients together. Then add oil and salt to the yeast mixture and stir.
2. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones, and stir to combine. Knead the dough (about 5 minutes) on a lightly floured surface until firm.
3. Cover and set dough aside for 5-10 minutes while you prepare the veggies. Setting the dough aside for a few minutes helps make the dough easy to roll out into a pizza.
4. Roll out the dough and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Top with desired toppings and bake at *350-degrees F for 15-18 minutes, or until toppings are browned.

*I baked the pizzas at 375 for 20-25 minutes each because we had a lot of veggies that weren't cooking at the lower temperature.

13 June 2010

The Fall and Restoration of Man (or Truck)

In the words of Joshua, nearly three years old, here is the basic scenario of humanity's (or transportation's) need for a savior. Theologically it holds up...kind of. He's got the basic idea, so we were pleased (not to mention entertained).

J: "Trucks disobeyed God."

C: "But if they're friends with Jesus they can obey God."

J: "Trucks die on the cross. If they want to."

C: "Well, they can figuratively...or literally."

And this little story was but a chapter in the life of the trucks. An epic adventure was told to us over dinner by Joshua, who was greatly inspired by a picture that Claude drew on our white board of an ice cream truck. Other ice cream truck inspirations included a ballad to horses, cows, and birds, by our very own Hannah Chew, along with an ode to ice cream from Joshua. Needless to say, we enjoyed a very interesting dinner this evening.

04 June 2010

For Posterity

Kids always seem to come up with funny and interesting things to say. Today was a normal day for us in terms of humorous anecdotes from Joshua and Hannah, but I thought that I would put some of them down on (cyber) paper - for posterity's sake. Enjoy!

While visiting the store today, Joshua announced, "We want some TVD." I gathered that he meant that he wanted to watch some TV (there was a display television with a mother and baby walrus showing), but not fully knowing what a TV is, he decided to combine a few different media types (CD, DVD, TV...it's all the same, right?).

We also visited a grocery store today that has singing animals and other puppets displayed throughout. Sounds a bit creepy, right? Think of singing mechanical puppets on a ride at Disneyland and you have a pretty good picture. Cows are favored at this store, as they are with Hannah. And cows that are playing banjos and singing are particularly memorable. On the way home today, Hannah informed me that the cow was "singing to the Lord". It's song, which she very willingly demonstrated, went like this, "Moo moo moo!"



Also on the car ride home today, both little guys were saying, "T-t-t-t-t-t-t," repeatedly. When asked what they were doing they told me, "We're singing to the Lord."

During bath time, Joshua and I had the following conversation which accurately demonstrates his geographical grasp:
"I live at Montana."
"Where does Mommy live?"
"Mommy lives on Saturday."
"Oh, and where does Hannah live?"
"Hannah lives on Sunday."
"Okay. Where does Daddy live?"
"Daddy lives in school."

The following is one that I can't quite type but to set up the video, Joshua was looking for a specific truck of his. Today he couldn't find this truck, a paramedic truck, but it took me a long time to figure out what he was asking for. You'll understand if you watch the video!